There's No Such Thing as a Nice Girl
I just had a conversation on Twitter with some other writers after someone told a writer she should write more nice girls instead of angry girls. My reply was, "As a recovering nice girl, there's no such thing as nice girls...only girls who learn to quiet the parts of themselves other people won't approve of."
If you're a writer and thinking, "Yeah, but I have a character who is so nice, for real. She goes out of her way for other people. She's so noble and selfless and wouldn't hurt anyone blah blah blah..." Okay, I hear you. A girl or woman can be all of those things, but honestly, if everyone thinks she's "so nice," it's because she never stands up for herself. She has quieted herself and made herself smaller to fit inside this tiny box of other people's expectations.
A girl or woman could volunteer at homeless shelters, be the safe place for all of her friend's woes, dress modestly, pray for world peace, bake cute cupcakes for children's hospitals, throw parties for her loved ones, write encouraging notes, pass on random acts of kindness...she could be the whole freaking package. But the first time she stands up for herself with something as simple as, "It's not okay to treat me like that," and puts some kind of boundary in place, she's suddenly a bitch. People say, "What happened? She used to be so nice." Men can stand up for themselves, and it means they're strong and self-assured and respected...but a woman is just a bitch. Or stuck up. But definitely not nice. Nice girls don't make waves, even if all they're doing is creating healthy boundaries.
As a recovering nice girl, let me tell you what that nice girl is doing when she's alone in her room. She's silent screaming into her pillow. She's writing in her journal, the only place she doesn't feel scared of being judged, and even then there's a fear of what if someone reads this? followed by the thrill of then they would see the real me. Her journal probably looks like, "FUCK THOSE ASSHOLE BITCHES FUCKKKKK." Maybe not. But nice girls don't swear, so it's a healthy outlet. That's exactly what my old journals from high school look like, and I was the most quiet, nicest girl you would ever meet. She might be cutting herself in secret. Crying into her mirror. Or if she's really repressed and doesn't even allow herself an outlet in her own privacy, she's definitely having disturbing nightmares that would freak you the hell out.
So if you want to write "the nice girl," go ahead, but make sure she's doing some of these things in private so she's realistic and believable.
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11 Character Priorities That Will Strengthen Your Writing
If you're a writer and thinking, "Yeah, but I have a character who is so nice, for real. She goes out of her way for other people. She's so noble and selfless and wouldn't hurt anyone blah blah blah..." Okay, I hear you. A girl or woman can be all of those things, but honestly, if everyone thinks she's "so nice," it's because she never stands up for herself. She has quieted herself and made herself smaller to fit inside this tiny box of other people's expectations.
A girl or woman could volunteer at homeless shelters, be the safe place for all of her friend's woes, dress modestly, pray for world peace, bake cute cupcakes for children's hospitals, throw parties for her loved ones, write encouraging notes, pass on random acts of kindness...she could be the whole freaking package. But the first time she stands up for herself with something as simple as, "It's not okay to treat me like that," and puts some kind of boundary in place, she's suddenly a bitch. People say, "What happened? She used to be so nice." Men can stand up for themselves, and it means they're strong and self-assured and respected...but a woman is just a bitch. Or stuck up. But definitely not nice. Nice girls don't make waves, even if all they're doing is creating healthy boundaries.
As a recovering nice girl, let me tell you what that nice girl is doing when she's alone in her room. She's silent screaming into her pillow. She's writing in her journal, the only place she doesn't feel scared of being judged, and even then there's a fear of what if someone reads this? followed by the thrill of then they would see the real me. Her journal probably looks like, "FUCK THOSE ASSHOLE BITCHES FUCKKKKK." Maybe not. But nice girls don't swear, so it's a healthy outlet. That's exactly what my old journals from high school look like, and I was the most quiet, nicest girl you would ever meet. She might be cutting herself in secret. Crying into her mirror. Or if she's really repressed and doesn't even allow herself an outlet in her own privacy, she's definitely having disturbing nightmares that would freak you the hell out.
So if you want to write "the nice girl," go ahead, but make sure she's doing some of these things in private so she's realistic and believable.
Want more bookish things? Follow me here:
Related posts:
11 Character Priorities That Will Strengthen Your Writing
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