How My Most Heartbreaking Rejection Set Me on My Authentic Writing Path

 #ShareYourRejections is trending on Twitter, and the entire writing community has tons of personal rejection stories to tell because rejection is one humongous, unavoidable part of being a writer. I mean, instant success happens, but only to unicorns. It's all good though because rejections make us look at our work with fresh eyes. Rejections humble us and remind us we always have room to learn and improve. Rejections help us evaluate what we really want and go for it with every ounce of our fighting spirit.

I was proud of my very first rejection (from Jenny Bent) because it meant I was TRYING. It meant I had finished a book and had the courage to put it out there. So I saved it and told myself I would celebrate that letter every year. I never did celebrate because it soon faded into the tons of rejections to follow. They all sounded pretty much the same for a long time. But I pressed on and never let them stop me.

Until one day...

I got the rejection letter that really freaking bummed me out, made me shut my laptop for a while, and changed my writing path--for the better.

Before I get into the specifics of the rejection letter and why it hurt so badly, I want to give a super quick rundown of the submission process to the people following my story who aren't as familiar with the world of publishing.

Step one:
So the first step when you submit to an agent or publisher is to write something called a query letter. In this one-page letter, the writer explains the important details (genre, word count, etc), shares only a paragraph or two about their book, and explains who they are. Usually this letter will accompany the first chapter of the book too so the agent or publisher can get a feel for the writing.

Step two:
If the agent or publisher likes what they see in step one, they'll ask for a novel outline, which outlines the entire plot and character arch of the book, including the ending. They'll usually ask for a few more chapters too.

Step three:
If the agent or publisher likes the work you submitted in step three, they'll ask for the entire manuscript.

After that, they give you an offer, start revisions and edits, and a bunch of other stuff.

Well, for years, I never made it past step one. But after a ton of revisions, I finally had two Christian publishers ask for my full manuscript. They both said the same thing...that because of the subject matter, they couldn't publish my book. With the first rejection of my manuscript, I rolled with it and kept on because it was a small startup publisher anyway, and I wasn't sure I wanted to go that route. But the second publisher was a well-known publisher I would have loved to work with. They gave me a much more personal rejection that explained why they couldn't publish me.

I was writing a YA book for the Christian market about a teenage girl who had been raped and became pregnant, struggling with wanting to keep the baby but not wanting everyone in her life to find out what had happened to her. When she finally tells her story, her attacker threatens her and demands silence. With her world in chaos, she has to decide whether she'll name her attacker, putting her, the baby, and her friends in jeopardy, or if she'll stay silent.

The publisher told me they were moved by my book, that my writing was ready and what they're looking for, but that the marketing team said they couldn't publish a book that portrayed teenage pregnancy (even under the circumstances) because their conservative readers would be upset.

How it crushed me! The other rejections I could handle because my writing was something I could work on and improve. But to be rejected by two Christian publishers because of teenage pregnancy content?? There's nothing I can do about that. Except...

Stop pursuing the Christian market.

 I struggled with it for a while. I stopped working on my book and stepped back to evaluate what I wanted to do. I'm a Christian and always wanted to honor God with my talents. Some of my favorite books in my teen years were by Melody Carlson, which dealt with faith and hard topics. She was who I wanted to become when I grew up. But I also want to tell stories about the grit of life. I want to explore dark themes and the reality of teenagers making choices adults don't approve of. I was a complex teenager who loved God but also loved to do things I wasn't supposed to do, and that's real life, folks! I want to write authentic characters who swear. I mean, even when I was pretty prudent with language in my teenage days, some of my characters had sailor mouths, and I felt like I couldn't put that in my books. But have you heard teens talk?? I want to include characters like girls who love girls and boys who love boys. Characters who drink and smoke pot and have sex.

I respect the Christian market. It holds a treasured place in my heart for the ways it encouraged me in my teenage years. And I think there's still a place for it today. My critique partner writes YA Christian books, and she does a fantastic job in that market. There are people like her who tell stories like the Christian market wants, and it's awesome.

I'm just not one of those people, and it's okay. For me personally, writing for the Christian market feels limiting and confining to the types of stories I want to tell. I look at Veronica Roth, who is a Christian but who writes swear words and gay characters, and I can see that she's honoring God while also staying true to her characters. I'm no Veronica Roth, but I can honor God with my talents and still write with grit. (UPDATE: Whew, my personal beliefs and spiritual life has changed a lot since this post! I'm so thankful I followed my passion and stayed true to the type of stories my heart wanted to tell. I just finished my new book, and I'm proud of all the nitty gritty "naughty" stuff in it.) 


I feel a little nervous sharing this because I don't know what the fellow Christians in my life are going to think. Maybe they'll be surprised that my characters say the "F" word or have sex drives. Maybe they won't want to read my books. And I understand and respect that. But maybe some of them will breathe a sigh of relief and say, "That's how it is/was for me too." Either way, moving forward, I want to write as authentically and with as much freedom as I possibly can. I'm already having more fun writing than ever.

So see, even the most painful rejection I've faced has brought me some clarity and pushed me in a new direction. Rejections might knock us down for a minute or a year, but they CAN'T KEEP US DOWN. Fight, fight, fight for your dream. Be your big bad authentic self. Share the stories that keep you up at night and make you squee. Use your rejections to help you find your groove, and you'll find your people.